Everyday Stories | Long Island Family Photographer
Despite Daylight Savings this week giving us an extra hour of light, Spring isn't quite ready for her arrival yet. Today we have a snow day, although the reported blizzard that was supposed to hit isn't quite as ferocious as originally promised. Still we've got at least six inches of the white stuff and high winds and sleet are keeping us inside another day. It is feeling like the home stretch though. The crocuses are hanging in there despite the intermittent snow. Come on Spring... we are ready for you.
STORIES OF OUR WEEK
"I am trying"
You kept kicking up the dirt in the baseball dugout despite my pleas for you to stop. Dirt everywhere. All over your clothes, all over your bodies, your shoes, the stroller. I wonder why it bothers me so much - I mean besides the obvious of having to clean everything up. Why can't I just let you be kids? Why do I need everything to be in order all the time? How can I learn to let go, to exhale, to not care so much? I am working on it, my loves. I am working on it. For you, but also for me.
"My most challenging assignment"
You are a challenge right now. You scared me when you got sick in January. Like, really scared me. And I let some things creep back into our routine to get through that time that I am now having trouble correcting. Like nursing during the night. And coming to our bed. And giving in to your cries. Part of me knows you are manipulating me, but part of me also gets scared that you are not, and that you really need these things. Your eating stresses me out. You eat less than ten different food items right now and none of them involve fruit, vegetables or meat. You complain of tummy aches every morning which sets off my anxiety like nothing else. You scream and cry to get your way. You hit me. But you also cover me with hugs and kisses. You want to nurse constantly. Your dad thinks I am a pushover. He is probably right. I feel so much conflict within myself over you. I am not as tough as I thought.
I didn't become a mother until I was 37. That's a long time to be on your own and then to all of a sudden have company all the time. Company who needs you. Every five seconds. I'm having a hard time right now coming up for air. We've spent a lot of days stuck in this house all together over the past few months. Some days I feel like I might suffocate. I know that everyone says this time is fleeting, so I try to be grateful. I try to stay afloat. But some days it's hard.
I used to like the winter, the snowy days. They felt cozy and homey. This winter they feel scary and gloomy and sad. I have been counting down the days to sunny Spring. The sun feels like hope, like reassurance. Winter has been dark, full of sickness. Full of anxiety.
It was beautiful and sunny and warm yesterday. Spring is only 10 days away. Daylight Savings is tomorrow night. And today we got 5 inches of snow and the terror seized me again. I am afraid of the sickness coming back.
My dreams come true.
Francesca Russell is a documentary-style family photographer and filmmaker located in Garden City South, NY. If you'd like to see more of her recent documentary family photography, head over to her Facebook page or follow her everyday adventures on Instagram. If you are looking for a family photographer on Long Island or in the New York City area to document your family's story in photos or a film, please contact her for a session!